That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
