apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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