you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
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Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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