On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
