I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
