My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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