Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
