I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
