mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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