I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
