I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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