you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
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