i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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