I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
