It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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