u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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