HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
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