You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
