just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The Olympian is in my bed
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I want a musical about memes.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
