apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
