you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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