I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
