Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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