put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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