I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
