So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
