I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
And then he peed in my hair
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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