So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
