Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
