dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
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Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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