he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
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My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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