everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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