I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize