absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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