At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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