Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
