i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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