I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
