yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize