You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
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dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
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Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I need to align my fucking chakras
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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