so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
