does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
