Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate