Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
