3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize