A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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