90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
