I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
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this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
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I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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