seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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