I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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