Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
