dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
