Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
