You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
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The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
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I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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