I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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