you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
