So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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