i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
